mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
