i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
