First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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