I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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