I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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