I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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