We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
