were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
