So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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