Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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