I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
