Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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