sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
