Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
