I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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