Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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