You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
