You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
