Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
