My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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