So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
