My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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