You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
