He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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