We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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