I will die if light touches me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Damn victory sex feels great
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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