another moral hangover. fuck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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