The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
