Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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