Whod you bang
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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