The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
