11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
