Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
