when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
