Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
