I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
