I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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