all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
