just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
