Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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