Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
