When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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