I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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