Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
