Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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