I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
