she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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