yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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