shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
