i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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