I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
