i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
