i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
