Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
