Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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