First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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