you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
