I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
