I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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