What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
MIDGETS
????
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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