No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
