This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
