we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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