The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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